Maske Thaery Report 1

Report #1: Description of the handwritten corrections
to Chapter One of the final draft, with correlations
to the final book.

By Michael Levy, http://umbc.edu/~mlevy1

 

The following is a record of Vance's handwritten corrections

of the final typed draft of _Maske: Thaery_. Unfortunately

there are a number of cases where Vance crossed out a word

or a phrase, and replaced it with a handwritten correction,

but the original word or phrase was indecipherable.

Obviously, these are not recorded. Page numbers refer to the

typed manuscript of the final draft. The first sentence, or

sentence fragment, listed is the typed version, while the

second sentence is the sentence as read after handwritten

corrections. In all cases that I have checked, unless noted

otherwise, the handwritten corrections were the final

revisions, and correspond to the book. Where something was

indecipherable I have represented that by [brackets].

Occasionally I include my own comments in parentheses.

 

Page 2 of the introduction:

"With Zangwill Reef across the way beyond..."

"With Zangwill Reef barring the way beyond..."

 

Page 4 of the introduction:

"During the same period the population of the countryside

expanded, until presently the overflow was forced to seek

employment elsewhere, and young folk coming into their

maturity, in either town or country, found little scope for

their energies."

"During the same period the population of the countryside

expanded, until presently the overflow was forced to seek

employment elsewhere, sometimes in vain, and young folk

coming into their maturity, in either town or country, found

little scope for their energies."

 

Page 4 of the introduction:

"A bittersweet malaise [indecipherable] the land, and the

folk were affected by contradictory emotions."

"A bittersweet malaise hung over the land like an autumn

haze, and the folk were affected by contradictory emotions."

 

Page 4 of Chapter 1:

"Vaidro, whose wealth had been derived by mysterious means,

and a silent pensive man, Cadmus off-Droad..."

"Also present were Vaidro, Cadmus off-Droad..."

 

Page 4 of Chapter 1:

"Rax denied perpetration of a joke so possibly grave, but

his protestations were heard silently, and Rax came to Droad

House on a single other occasion, to participate in events

far more fateful."

"Rax denied perpetration of a joke so outrageous, but his

protestations were heard silently. Rax came to Droad House

on a single other occasion to participate in events even

more fateful."

 

Page 4 of Chapter 1:

"Benruth's banquets thereafter were both less frequent and

more subdued."

"Benruth's banquets were thereafter both less frequent and

more subdued."

 

Page 5 of Chapter 1:

"Even before [indecipherable] corpse had been decently oiled

and set upon the pyre..."

"Even before Benruth's corpse had been set upon the pyre..."

 

Page 6 of Chapter 1:

"The Alien Influences Act forbids offworld traffic to Haske,

and proscribes the return of emigrants."

"The Alien Influences Act forbids offworld traffic to and

from Haske, and proscribes the return of emigrants."

 

Page 7 of Chapter 1:

"...he wandered County Kroy, trimming hedges and cleaning

meadows of harish."

"...he wandered County Kroy, trimming hedges and cleaning

meadows of harish weed."

 

Page 7 of Chapter 1:

"...he worked a month in the forests, clearing the trees of

saprophytes and pest-bug colonies."

"...he worked a month in the forests, clearing the trees of

saprophytes and pest-bug."

 

Page 7 of Chapter 1:

"Somberly as if already entering the autumn of life, Jubal

turned westward."

"Somberly as if he were already entering the autumn of life,

Jubal turned westward."

 

Page 8 of Chapter 1:

"`...if you will check your contentiousness...'"

"`...if you will contain your contentiousness...'"

 

Page 8 of Chapter 1:

"`Many would consider you a dull fellow, not I however.'"

"`Many would consider you a dull fellow; not I!'"

(This is the most Vancian correction in my opinion.)

 

Page 10 of Chapter 1:

"The innkeeper pointed a second time up through the

casement..."

"The innkeeper pointed up through the casement..."

 

Page 10 of Chapter 1:

"`They are vague and frivolous, agreed, but not given to

inventive fantasies.'"

"`They are vague, agreed, and also frivolous, but not given

to inventive fantasies.'"

 

Page 10 of Chapter 1:

"Jubal walked out into a land of gleaming white crags and

air fresh with the exhalations of damp thyrse and ground-

mist."

"Jubal walked out into a land of gleaming white crags and

air fresh with the scent of damp thyrse and ground-mint."

(Curiously, in the paperback copy I have, "ground-mint" has

become "ground-mist" once again.)

 

Page 10 of Chapter 1:

"Jubal surveyed the damage, and looked across toward

Glentlin, three days [something indecipherable. journey?].

Then he turned back to Ivo."

"Jubal surveyed the damage, then turned back to Ivo."

 

Page 11 of Chapter 1:

"Jubal put the Djan to work preparing footing..."

"Jubal put the Djan to work preparing a new footing..."

(The first version doesn't even make grammatical sense to

me, but that's what's written.)

 

Page 11 of Chapter 1:

"A bank of black clouds lay in the east, [indecipherable,

something-ding. leading?] a dark wind, where Skay

floated..."

"A bank of heavy clouds lay in the east, where Skay

floated..."

(The word "black" appears to be replaced by "heavy" because

the word "black" is used later on in the sentence.)

 

Page 12 of Chapter 1:

"During the morning the clouds edged closer, and presently

struck down at the mountains with claws of purple lightning;

wind roared and groaned through the high crevasses of Mount

Cardoon."

"During the morning the clouds edged closer, striking at the

mountains with claws of purple lightning; wind groaned

through the high crevasses of Mount Cardoon."

(This correction is an almost stereotypical change from

passive to active.)

 

Page 12 of Chapter 1:

"The Djan halted ever more often in their work to listen."

"Again the Djan halted in their work to listen."

 

Page 13 of Chapter 1:

"From the west came a jingle and a grunting low-pitched

chant..."

"From the west came a jingle and a grunting chant..."

 

Page 13 of Chapter 1:

"Along the trail came first a Thariot..."

"Along the trail appeared a Thariot..."

 

Page 13 of Chapter 1:

"The Thariot rode sternly erect: a man of striking

appearance, with large rather prominent eyes, a [fine?

fair?] proud mouth, a black ram's-horn mustache."

"The Thariot rode sternly erect: a man of striking

appearance, with large prominent eyes, a proud mouth, a

black ram's-horn mustache."

(Vance, in a hand-written correction, inserted "and" in

between "large" and "rather", but then thought better of it

and eliminated both "and" and "rather.")

 

Page 13 of Chapter 1:

"He [wore?] no culbrass; nevertheless to Jubal, the man's

appearance and posture suggested high caste."

"He displayed no culbrass; his appearance and posture

nevertheless suggested high caste."

 

Page 13 of Chapter 1:

"...the ercycle-rider stopped short and made a [?] gesture."

"...the ercycle-rider stopped short and made a gesture of

petulant impatience."

 

Page 14 of Chapter 1:

"Then, suddenly becoming aware of the three Djan workers,

then Jubal, he drew back and tugged down the brim of his

hat."

"Then, suddenly becoming aware first of the three Djan

workers, then Jubal, he drew back and tugged down the brim

of his hat."

 

Page 14 of Chapter 1:

"Odd indeed! though Jubal; the man seemed almost furtive."

"Odd indeed! thought Jubal; the man seemed furtive."

 

Page 14 of Chapter 1:

"Jubal cried out in consternation: "Stop! Turn around!

You'll destroy the wall!"

"Jubal cried out in consternation: "Stop! You'll destroy the

wall!"

 

Page 14 of Chapter 1:

"The front ranks of the troop, still stubbornly four

abreast, dislodged stones, which bounded down-slope."

"The front ranks of the troop, stubbornly four abreast,

dislodged stones, which bounded down-slope."

 


Michael Levy, mlevy1@gl.umbc.edu

Homepage: http://umbc.edu/~mlevy1

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